I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
