I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
