3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
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