Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Text me some of your sweat
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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