she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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