This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
