"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
