New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
