i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
