I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
