I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
only you would photoshop your dick
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
