just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
