my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i barfeds in our rink
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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