Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
