if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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