Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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