The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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