I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I still have a little drunk in my system
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
