I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
