I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
