my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
