one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
