Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
