I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
