Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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