Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
