Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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