what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
