I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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