I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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