Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
