She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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