you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
