That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
