great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
