Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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