Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
