if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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