can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
