My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
