sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
