And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
