I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
