Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
