u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i came on her dog
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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