The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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