im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
