look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
