if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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