dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
