She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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