This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
