I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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