i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
