Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry LadyJane hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(419): View more from Ohio

I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.

Fav 1 1134 1185
share tweet
(410): View more from Maryland

There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.

Fav 17 1603 6073
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(773): View more from Illinois

Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.

Fav 2 3002 1193
share tweet
(816): View more from Missouri

I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.

Fav 10 3386 1374
share tweet
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.

Fav 9 1063 4367
share tweet
(860): View more from Connecticut

We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"

Fav 7 2716 1321
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(516): View more from New York

If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles

Fav 4 1791 1380
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(309): View more from Illinois

My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.

Fav 0 113 21
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(250): View more from British Columbia

Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.

Fav 1 91 4
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT